There was a time when all I went through in my life felt so alone and stranded in an isolated island. From the way I started to see things to the way I feel each emotions deep in my heart. Is there someone who thinks the same way I put my thoughts in? Or am I being exceptionally being "unique" to be judged?
There was a time when I realized it was all because of the voice in my head. To act and react in different situations and different occasions. The voice that kept telling me and controlling me every actions and reactions for me to make. BUT little it did explained to me that it was all fine and its a common way to respond. This might due to the lack of my father's guidance to overcome all these "obstacles" in life as a growing child, a growing teenager and a growing young adult.
But think it this way, my dad had never been nurtured when he was young. His childhood stories are way much pathetic and sad compared to mine. I don't think mine would be even be equivalent to be compared. His parents never took cared of him. His mom left him to her husband and went to her cousin's house for shelter due to her husband himself, whom being torturous and abusive towards him own wife. Funny and scary to think how the old generations lived their life.
From my dad's mom's point of view a.k.a. my paternal granny, she went through a very harsh marriage with her husband and her mother-in-law. What she did could be justified too...so my dad became the victim. From young, he grew up from his relative's houses. Uncles and aunts...but all kinda used him and made him to carry out the house chores as if he was a maid. Right after school, he got to work at the farm and does the daily farming, milking and feeding the cows and fowls.
From where he would get the time and energy to revise his studies at night? All my dad would had wished to have a good night sleep and continue the routine everyday. Until he grew as a young teenager and started to stand on his own foot. Did some part time jobs which paid him well, and lived his teenage life with other bachelors. From the guidance of his friends, he then learnt some of other life crucial knowledge and skills to better himself. Might have learnt the roads to the city, the way to negotiate and be wise in an outside world...etc.
My dad is a man everyone could look up to for his current status and achievements, all the hardworks and struggles; all by himself without any proper guidance from his old people nor trustworthy friends. So, at times in an argument with my dad, when I express what I think to him and blame for his lack of guidance to me, to some certain situations, he could and does, at times, explains my "problems" are just minor and could be worst if I went through what he gone through his life.
To compare and to be compared would be the last thing I would ever expect. I don't do that and for those who does that, most of the time, they wouldn't understand and would have looked through other's situations completely and thoroughly before saying their piece of mind. Maybe some out there don't but most of the people I've met does that. I wouldn't understand how smart these people could be all of a sudden to advice and to judge before looking back their own rights and wrongs.
I will not tolerate with my dad whenever he throws out what he thinks or thought it was whenever I discuss a matter with him. Your childhood experience was a torturous and turbulent black history, but that doesn't gives you to expect your children to grow by themselves. Maybe I'm too dumb to adapt to the outside world...is not "designed" to live through a harsh life...hahahaha...XD Not quite true cause you gave us the "easy" life since young... not much of an easy life when there are some traumatic incidence when I was young. But ain't touching that subject...
So...yeah...there are so many thoughts just rambles and trembles and crumbles and mingles in my head. Just a part of it...I ain't blaming anyone in particular. Everyone make mistakes, whether you are the man of the house nor the queen. Adults, teenagers, uncles and aunties...everyone make mistakes. Through mistakes, we learn new new things and makes us a better person in our lives. Wishing a very warm Happy Father's Day to my dad and thanking for all you've provided for me until this very moment. Love you, dad ^^
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