Its fucking hard to live in this world! From the day we are able to remember till the day we struggle among high and low end people...thinking and straining every single day to blend in, to feel acceptance, a small community where we feel happy and comfortable to live in!
Its fucking hard to be raised in a broken family who don't admit it but to keep striving in that deep shit! Trying to hold on a marriage which has no more respect to one another and understandings in a minimal percentage! Its fucking hard to have all the bitter, painful, feeling lost memories in our head; no matter how hard you try to erase them off from our mind!
Its fucking hard to even grow up from a young toddler to a boy to a young teenager to a young adolescent adult! Being a part of a corrupted system and being helpless to put an end to the whole situation! Its fucking hard when your heart beat raises every single time while hearing a huge argument, so loud till you're able to feel every single word spikes through your bones!! Its fucking hard to put a smile and pretend as if nothing happened once we stepped out to the outside world!
Its fucking hard to focus on what we are commanded to do! No matter what happens, we got no choice than to sacrifice and try hard to put the attention and thinking on a parallel lines! Its fucking hard when every single day of the morning, you hear ramblings and cryings off your own family members of the miserable life condition!
Why is it fucking hard to get the hell out from the mess I'm living in?? Why is it fucking hard to decide what I want and what I want to do?? Why is it fucking hard to put an end to all this?? Why are there so many whys but a single solution to all these problems above??
Why is it so painful to have a high hopes on something we fear might not be a solution to us?? Why does the darkness ruling over?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why??
What would be the end of all these shit?? How long more?? Why am I even being so stressed out?? Those who are exposed directly to this should be more stressed out?? Why am I being such a pussy?? Why am I being such a negative, intolerable, unable to endure these pressures?? Why does it got to fall on me?? Why am I being too selfish?? Why am I only focused on my own comfort zone?? Why can't I do something about this??
Why am I feeling so disappointed? I feel like a disappointment throughout the whole practice session... I need to shake it off and focus and work on the positive side to move on. But in the end, after the practice session, all I'm exposed again are the same old fucking problem!!
Why do I even have the urges to satisfy my lust? Am I being like those addicts? Why am I unable to find a solution or some sort of alternative to fix myself?? Why aren't I surrendering myself to the Divine Power?? Why have I lost my devotion to THEM? Is it because I'm expecting for a result in a split second? Am I being unreasonable? Am I complaining my life's condition by not striving hard to overcome the troubles?
Its a fucking hard mess I'm living right now!!!
Feeling fucked up!!
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