I have no clue on where my life is heading right now. I dropped off from my bachelor program due to "uncertainties" event happened in my family or am I using this as an excuse not to blame myself from falling off in my studies? I'm not sure which part of me being truthful and honest anymore. Many things are just being said and done to comply with another action and consequences.
One thing for sure, I'm procrastinating in everything. I am the reason why I am what I am at the moment. I can't find the reason for me to do anything without a stronger reason. I'm in constant search of reasons and factors to drive me ahead. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just let it be as how it is and do what I want to do! Maybe I shouldn't think too long before doing anything. But it may be a rash decision, I cant afford to lose anything at anytime. This is not who I am, what I was build for.
My old projects are still in hold. I have gave my words but have not done it...what am I doing? Why am I letting myself down by allowing others to have the misconception about myself? Why?
Anyone reading this post? Am I having some sort of disorder??
Help...~
Friday, April 11, 2014
Friday, November 1, 2013
My best friend
I had a friend, whom I once thought I would never have any in my life.
Someone that came into my life in a twisted circumstances and had my heart swift away with his talented figure of speech and a quite peculiar attitude. His dominant attitude, his egoistic behavior, his humble genuine thoughts, of all the things we have shared and talked for hours without really bothering the headaches and sleepy eyes the next day for "hanging" on the phone the whole night through.
He was the many first reasons in my life. My first friend who would call and refuse me to call him instead and talk for hours; he was the first one whom I actually got into a verbal conflict even before meeting up and got so close after the first meeting even though I met and get to know his partner first; he was my first gay friend; he was my first friend that I promised myself to be there no matter how shitty he treats me; and he was my first true gay love.
He was the first who takes in charge of things in his life most of the time. Even though he makes the lousiest decisions in it. He doesn't gives a damn of what others say but he still asks for their opinion. He never really bothers on how the day went for others but would be so bright talking about his for hours. He never feels shy to shed his tears and show his weak points cause he's a genuine person. And he was never truly recognized the true friend that was there for him all the time but to treat him like a piece of turd!
When it comes to taking care of emotions and feelings, his and only his comes in the picture, or that's just the way it is being portrayed. Making shallow comparison with his situation and seeing how "fortunate" others are without even having the ability to analyse how bad it would/could be for someone else are his major successful failure gift. All he needed most of the time is for someone to be all ears for what he tells.
One of the moment that I would never forget being with him was the walk we took around the Bangsar Heights road. The small walk around the neighborhood, discussing on how silly we both became friends together and the moment when I fetched him up from his college and took him to Midvalley and had our last long chats in TGIF. Also the moment when we both sat at the playground, he was eating the dinner I bought for him. I will never forget the first time when he attempted to give me a hug, after knowing how much I live getting one...hahahahaha...XD
The dogs were barking and it was after our meet up from KLCC. We bought some items back home and one of it was his favorite cupcakes. All the plastic bags were at the back seat and it was mixed up. I sorted out the "mixed" up bags and he asked me to get down from my seat and sort it off well, saying he couldn't find one of his bag. I got off from my driver seat and went to the back seat door, where he was standing and scanned if his plastic bag item was still there, on the seat with my bags. I got my head out, shut the door, told him, "That's it. You're holding everything that belongs to you."
"Come here", he said while taking me into his arms and gave me a quick hug. Thanks to the neighbor dog which was barking out loud, making it more awkward and gawky for both of us. Though it was a quick one, I felt his chest, my head held by his left arm towards him...wishing for another moment of such again... :( The sweet part about him is he's not the hugging type of person and he made it clear to me once. As a reply, I just told him how great it is to get hugs from someone special and the aura is brings into my soul.
Remembering that fact, he gave me one and also telling, "If you want more, you better clean shave those thorny beard of yours." "Like I'm take your words seriously. Its my beard and my face, I don't orders my friend", I told him. But guess what happened?? Of course I took it seriously and shaved it clean so it wouldn't be sharp and poke his smooth, pale yellow-skinned face.
Till this very moment, I'm restoring all the sweet moments I shared with him for almost a year. I took him as my real close friend. I took him as my close brother. I took him as my adviser and listened to everything that he says. I respected him so much...I got hurt so much from him too. The heartache that I carried intensively for a month plus...still am, losing my sleep at this hour at 2.45am thinking about him ever since I had a dream about him yesterday evening. I don't know what the dream is trying to tell me...I have heard some say if we dream of someone, that person is thinking about us. Is it really true?? Is he thinking about me? Will he make any effort in contacting me again?? Tell me he's sorry and he wants to mend all his misdeeds??
I can only wish... but a dream that you wish, will come true...~
P.S. I love you, my friend~
Someone that came into my life in a twisted circumstances and had my heart swift away with his talented figure of speech and a quite peculiar attitude. His dominant attitude, his egoistic behavior, his humble genuine thoughts, of all the things we have shared and talked for hours without really bothering the headaches and sleepy eyes the next day for "hanging" on the phone the whole night through.
He was the many first reasons in my life. My first friend who would call and refuse me to call him instead and talk for hours; he was the first one whom I actually got into a verbal conflict even before meeting up and got so close after the first meeting even though I met and get to know his partner first; he was my first gay friend; he was my first friend that I promised myself to be there no matter how shitty he treats me; and he was my first true gay love.
He was the first who takes in charge of things in his life most of the time. Even though he makes the lousiest decisions in it. He doesn't gives a damn of what others say but he still asks for their opinion. He never really bothers on how the day went for others but would be so bright talking about his for hours. He never feels shy to shed his tears and show his weak points cause he's a genuine person. And he was never truly recognized the true friend that was there for him all the time but to treat him like a piece of turd!
When it comes to taking care of emotions and feelings, his and only his comes in the picture, or that's just the way it is being portrayed. Making shallow comparison with his situation and seeing how "fortunate" others are without even having the ability to analyse how bad it would/could be for someone else are his major successful failure gift. All he needed most of the time is for someone to be all ears for what he tells.
One of the moment that I would never forget being with him was the walk we took around the Bangsar Heights road. The small walk around the neighborhood, discussing on how silly we both became friends together and the moment when I fetched him up from his college and took him to Midvalley and had our last long chats in TGIF. Also the moment when we both sat at the playground, he was eating the dinner I bought for him. I will never forget the first time when he attempted to give me a hug, after knowing how much I live getting one...hahahahaha...XD
The dogs were barking and it was after our meet up from KLCC. We bought some items back home and one of it was his favorite cupcakes. All the plastic bags were at the back seat and it was mixed up. I sorted out the "mixed" up bags and he asked me to get down from my seat and sort it off well, saying he couldn't find one of his bag. I got off from my driver seat and went to the back seat door, where he was standing and scanned if his plastic bag item was still there, on the seat with my bags. I got my head out, shut the door, told him, "That's it. You're holding everything that belongs to you."
"Come here", he said while taking me into his arms and gave me a quick hug. Thanks to the neighbor dog which was barking out loud, making it more awkward and gawky for both of us. Though it was a quick one, I felt his chest, my head held by his left arm towards him...wishing for another moment of such again... :( The sweet part about him is he's not the hugging type of person and he made it clear to me once. As a reply, I just told him how great it is to get hugs from someone special and the aura is brings into my soul.
Remembering that fact, he gave me one and also telling, "If you want more, you better clean shave those thorny beard of yours." "Like I'm take your words seriously. Its my beard and my face, I don't orders my friend", I told him. But guess what happened?? Of course I took it seriously and shaved it clean so it wouldn't be sharp and poke his smooth, pale yellow-skinned face.
Till this very moment, I'm restoring all the sweet moments I shared with him for almost a year. I took him as my real close friend. I took him as my close brother. I took him as my adviser and listened to everything that he says. I respected him so much...I got hurt so much from him too. The heartache that I carried intensively for a month plus...still am, losing my sleep at this hour at 2.45am thinking about him ever since I had a dream about him yesterday evening. I don't know what the dream is trying to tell me...I have heard some say if we dream of someone, that person is thinking about us. Is it really true?? Is he thinking about me? Will he make any effort in contacting me again?? Tell me he's sorry and he wants to mend all his misdeeds??
I can only wish... but a dream that you wish, will come true...~
P.S. I love you, my friend~
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
7.45am 7/8/13
Dad is on the verge of creating troubles with him unreasonable fear and worries.
Day by day, each and every morning he's actions and choice of words are becoming very bad and sick!
All these years, we have kept a secret from him, knowing how aggressively and senselessly he would react towards the matter. Moreover, he played a huge role of being a strict, short-tempered person ever since I could ever started to remember. How would he possibly expect someone to share nor to tell him anything that requires discussions?
Prayers has never reduced day by day. All now keeping our fingers crossed to hope for a better him and a better happy family~
Day by day, each and every morning he's actions and choice of words are becoming very bad and sick!
All these years, we have kept a secret from him, knowing how aggressively and senselessly he would react towards the matter. Moreover, he played a huge role of being a strict, short-tempered person ever since I could ever started to remember. How would he possibly expect someone to share nor to tell him anything that requires discussions?
Prayers has never reduced day by day. All now keeping our fingers crossed to hope for a better him and a better happy family~
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Its fucking hard!!
Its fucking hard to live in this world! From the day we are able to remember till the day we struggle among high and low end people...thinking and straining every single day to blend in, to feel acceptance, a small community where we feel happy and comfortable to live in!
Its fucking hard to be raised in a broken family who don't admit it but to keep striving in that deep shit! Trying to hold on a marriage which has no more respect to one another and understandings in a minimal percentage! Its fucking hard to have all the bitter, painful, feeling lost memories in our head; no matter how hard you try to erase them off from our mind!
Its fucking hard to even grow up from a young toddler to a boy to a young teenager to a young adolescent adult! Being a part of a corrupted system and being helpless to put an end to the whole situation! Its fucking hard when your heart beat raises every single time while hearing a huge argument, so loud till you're able to feel every single word spikes through your bones!! Its fucking hard to put a smile and pretend as if nothing happened once we stepped out to the outside world!
Its fucking hard to focus on what we are commanded to do! No matter what happens, we got no choice than to sacrifice and try hard to put the attention and thinking on a parallel lines! Its fucking hard when every single day of the morning, you hear ramblings and cryings off your own family members of the miserable life condition!
Why is it fucking hard to get the hell out from the mess I'm living in?? Why is it fucking hard to decide what I want and what I want to do?? Why is it fucking hard to put an end to all this?? Why are there so many whys but a single solution to all these problems above??
Why is it so painful to have a high hopes on something we fear might not be a solution to us?? Why does the darkness ruling over?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why??
What would be the end of all these shit?? How long more?? Why am I even being so stressed out?? Those who are exposed directly to this should be more stressed out?? Why am I being such a pussy?? Why am I being such a negative, intolerable, unable to endure these pressures?? Why does it got to fall on me?? Why am I being too selfish?? Why am I only focused on my own comfort zone?? Why can't I do something about this??
Why am I feeling so disappointed? I feel like a disappointment throughout the whole practice session... I need to shake it off and focus and work on the positive side to move on. But in the end, after the practice session, all I'm exposed again are the same old fucking problem!!
Why do I even have the urges to satisfy my lust? Am I being like those addicts? Why am I unable to find a solution or some sort of alternative to fix myself?? Why aren't I surrendering myself to the Divine Power?? Why have I lost my devotion to THEM? Is it because I'm expecting for a result in a split second? Am I being unreasonable? Am I complaining my life's condition by not striving hard to overcome the troubles?
Its a fucking hard mess I'm living right now!!!
Feeling fucked up!!
Its fucking hard to be raised in a broken family who don't admit it but to keep striving in that deep shit! Trying to hold on a marriage which has no more respect to one another and understandings in a minimal percentage! Its fucking hard to have all the bitter, painful, feeling lost memories in our head; no matter how hard you try to erase them off from our mind!
Its fucking hard to even grow up from a young toddler to a boy to a young teenager to a young adolescent adult! Being a part of a corrupted system and being helpless to put an end to the whole situation! Its fucking hard when your heart beat raises every single time while hearing a huge argument, so loud till you're able to feel every single word spikes through your bones!! Its fucking hard to put a smile and pretend as if nothing happened once we stepped out to the outside world!
Its fucking hard to focus on what we are commanded to do! No matter what happens, we got no choice than to sacrifice and try hard to put the attention and thinking on a parallel lines! Its fucking hard when every single day of the morning, you hear ramblings and cryings off your own family members of the miserable life condition!
Why is it fucking hard to get the hell out from the mess I'm living in?? Why is it fucking hard to decide what I want and what I want to do?? Why is it fucking hard to put an end to all this?? Why are there so many whys but a single solution to all these problems above??
Why is it so painful to have a high hopes on something we fear might not be a solution to us?? Why does the darkness ruling over?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why?? Why??
What would be the end of all these shit?? How long more?? Why am I even being so stressed out?? Those who are exposed directly to this should be more stressed out?? Why am I being such a pussy?? Why am I being such a negative, intolerable, unable to endure these pressures?? Why does it got to fall on me?? Why am I being too selfish?? Why am I only focused on my own comfort zone?? Why can't I do something about this??
Why am I feeling so disappointed? I feel like a disappointment throughout the whole practice session... I need to shake it off and focus and work on the positive side to move on. But in the end, after the practice session, all I'm exposed again are the same old fucking problem!!
Why do I even have the urges to satisfy my lust? Am I being like those addicts? Why am I unable to find a solution or some sort of alternative to fix myself?? Why aren't I surrendering myself to the Divine Power?? Why have I lost my devotion to THEM? Is it because I'm expecting for a result in a split second? Am I being unreasonable? Am I complaining my life's condition by not striving hard to overcome the troubles?
Its a fucking hard mess I'm living right now!!!
Feeling fucked up!!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
The big 21st
Hmmm...looks like after so many weeks and months saying Im still 20 and ain't reached the big number yet...
well, guess its finally here! Im 21 officially!!!
Thanks to my beloved parents; dad and mom for bringing such a "brat" like me into this world and keep torturing you guys by asking and thinking plus viewing things in a very very different perspective almost all the time compared to you all.
Wait!! What is this?? A condemning article??? Hahahahahahaha...I openly told my mom and my sisters today that I dont have the soul nor any excitement to celebrate or to be very happy on this day. Of course I would always wanna have a peaceful, usual kinda day to go on...with less stress, no unnecessary conflicts and avoid getting stuck in the road traffic...surprises??? Yes!! Something I would always wish to happen...but hey, as I said...its just another day...
For those who are happy for me and showering me with such sweet wishes and blessings, thank you so much and really appreciating it. In particular, those who called right on time to wish me...hahahahaha...XD
Appreciate it guys^^
well, guess its finally here! Im 21 officially!!!
Thanks to my beloved parents; dad and mom for bringing such a "brat" like me into this world and keep torturing you guys by asking and thinking plus viewing things in a very very different perspective almost all the time compared to you all.
Wait!! What is this?? A condemning article??? Hahahahahahaha...I openly told my mom and my sisters today that I dont have the soul nor any excitement to celebrate or to be very happy on this day. Of course I would always wanna have a peaceful, usual kinda day to go on...with less stress, no unnecessary conflicts and avoid getting stuck in the road traffic...surprises??? Yes!! Something I would always wish to happen...but hey, as I said...its just another day...
For those who are happy for me and showering me with such sweet wishes and blessings, thank you so much and really appreciating it. In particular, those who called right on time to wish me...hahahahaha...XD
Appreciate it guys^^
Sunday, July 7, 2013
2343 hours
A birthday celebration dinner out at a Chinese restaurant at SS3, thought it would be mellow and usual makan (eat) and with some topics to talk; turns out to be an emotional advising and confronting one's own mistakes he has done in the past. Fuhhh...emotional giler!!
During a tensed situation, we all would always hope for a solution or someone to intervene in between to get us out from there...but based on my experiences, I completely feel its unnecessary. Why would I need someone else when I can solve something and face it on my own? Isn't that how I was "custom-ed" for all these years???
Whats gone is always gone tho...Once you have missed all the moments you could had when we were kids has already gone forever. Maybe its not your own entire mistake. You have been busy earning and saving for our future and to ensure there's food to eat. But...a mistake is still a mistake in my eyes. That doesn't require any certification nor qualification to grant you the permission to commit a mistake.
I was filled with so many thoughts and comments during and after we all left the restaurant...but now...haiz...
I just feel like forgetting everything because what I know is that, today's topic was entirely meant for someone else, not to me. As a parent, you may have certain expectations but never to think you know us deeply enough to understand what we're thinking. Im not sure about my sisters...but certainly not me!
I love you all so much as I decided to bring my secret down with me to my grave if that's gonna give you happiness till your last breath guys~
Hope everything ends well in the end... <3 p="">
During a tensed situation, we all would always hope for a solution or someone to intervene in between to get us out from there...but based on my experiences, I completely feel its unnecessary. Why would I need someone else when I can solve something and face it on my own? Isn't that how I was "custom-ed" for all these years???
Whats gone is always gone tho...Once you have missed all the moments you could had when we were kids has already gone forever. Maybe its not your own entire mistake. You have been busy earning and saving for our future and to ensure there's food to eat. But...a mistake is still a mistake in my eyes. That doesn't require any certification nor qualification to grant you the permission to commit a mistake.
I was filled with so many thoughts and comments during and after we all left the restaurant...but now...haiz...
I just feel like forgetting everything because what I know is that, today's topic was entirely meant for someone else, not to me. As a parent, you may have certain expectations but never to think you know us deeply enough to understand what we're thinking. Im not sure about my sisters...but certainly not me!
I love you all so much as I decided to bring my secret down with me to my grave if that's gonna give you happiness till your last breath guys~
Hope everything ends well in the end... <3 p="">
25th Birthday
Its Sunday, my eldest sister's birthday. She turned 25 years old. Next in line will be me. Somehow I dont feel any excitement to celebrate nor to plan anything special on such dates. Funny when I remember back those friends who I thought miserable enough not to celebrate their own birthdays which only falls on that one special, fixed date every year. According to them, its a total waste of time and asks me in return whats so special to celebrate it?? Perhaps they went through some rough moments in their life back then. I always stayed positive no matter what happens but life kept teaching me one after another miserable, rough, bumpy journey throughout the years, the spirit seems to just fade off with no excitement nor optimism is it; not anymore. I got to honest, shouldn't I? I cannot afford going on with my life, pretending to be something which I'm not at all from the inside. But that one ultimate cost which makes me loss nothing much besides my own selfishness thoughts and stands...for the sake of my beloved ones; my family. I love them so much that I dont want them to be sad... pretending to be happy aint gonna make my day bad...hahahaha...
Anyways, happy birthday big sis. Hope things works on well in your life... prayers for you^^
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Thoughts...
There was a time when all I went through in my life felt so alone and stranded in an isolated island. From the way I started to see things to the way I feel each emotions deep in my heart. Is there someone who thinks the same way I put my thoughts in? Or am I being exceptionally being "unique" to be judged?
There was a time when I realized it was all because of the voice in my head. To act and react in different situations and different occasions. The voice that kept telling me and controlling me every actions and reactions for me to make. BUT little it did explained to me that it was all fine and its a common way to respond. This might due to the lack of my father's guidance to overcome all these "obstacles" in life as a growing child, a growing teenager and a growing young adult.
But think it this way, my dad had never been nurtured when he was young. His childhood stories are way much pathetic and sad compared to mine. I don't think mine would be even be equivalent to be compared. His parents never took cared of him. His mom left him to her husband and went to her cousin's house for shelter due to her husband himself, whom being torturous and abusive towards him own wife. Funny and scary to think how the old generations lived their life.
From my dad's mom's point of view a.k.a. my paternal granny, she went through a very harsh marriage with her husband and her mother-in-law. What she did could be justified too...so my dad became the victim. From young, he grew up from his relative's houses. Uncles and aunts...but all kinda used him and made him to carry out the house chores as if he was a maid. Right after school, he got to work at the farm and does the daily farming, milking and feeding the cows and fowls.
From where he would get the time and energy to revise his studies at night? All my dad would had wished to have a good night sleep and continue the routine everyday. Until he grew as a young teenager and started to stand on his own foot. Did some part time jobs which paid him well, and lived his teenage life with other bachelors. From the guidance of his friends, he then learnt some of other life crucial knowledge and skills to better himself. Might have learnt the roads to the city, the way to negotiate and be wise in an outside world...etc.
My dad is a man everyone could look up to for his current status and achievements, all the hardworks and struggles; all by himself without any proper guidance from his old people nor trustworthy friends. So, at times in an argument with my dad, when I express what I think to him and blame for his lack of guidance to me, to some certain situations, he could and does, at times, explains my "problems" are just minor and could be worst if I went through what he gone through his life.
To compare and to be compared would be the last thing I would ever expect. I don't do that and for those who does that, most of the time, they wouldn't understand and would have looked through other's situations completely and thoroughly before saying their piece of mind. Maybe some out there don't but most of the people I've met does that. I wouldn't understand how smart these people could be all of a sudden to advice and to judge before looking back their own rights and wrongs.
I will not tolerate with my dad whenever he throws out what he thinks or thought it was whenever I discuss a matter with him. Your childhood experience was a torturous and turbulent black history, but that doesn't gives you to expect your children to grow by themselves. Maybe I'm too dumb to adapt to the outside world...is not "designed" to live through a harsh life...hahahaha...XD Not quite true cause you gave us the "easy" life since young... not much of an easy life when there are some traumatic incidence when I was young. But ain't touching that subject...
So...yeah...there are so many thoughts just rambles and trembles and crumbles and mingles in my head. Just a part of it...I ain't blaming anyone in particular. Everyone make mistakes, whether you are the man of the house nor the queen. Adults, teenagers, uncles and aunties...everyone make mistakes. Through mistakes, we learn new new things and makes us a better person in our lives. Wishing a very warm Happy Father's Day to my dad and thanking for all you've provided for me until this very moment. Love you, dad ^^
There was a time when I realized it was all because of the voice in my head. To act and react in different situations and different occasions. The voice that kept telling me and controlling me every actions and reactions for me to make. BUT little it did explained to me that it was all fine and its a common way to respond. This might due to the lack of my father's guidance to overcome all these "obstacles" in life as a growing child, a growing teenager and a growing young adult.
But think it this way, my dad had never been nurtured when he was young. His childhood stories are way much pathetic and sad compared to mine. I don't think mine would be even be equivalent to be compared. His parents never took cared of him. His mom left him to her husband and went to her cousin's house for shelter due to her husband himself, whom being torturous and abusive towards him own wife. Funny and scary to think how the old generations lived their life.
From my dad's mom's point of view a.k.a. my paternal granny, she went through a very harsh marriage with her husband and her mother-in-law. What she did could be justified too...so my dad became the victim. From young, he grew up from his relative's houses. Uncles and aunts...but all kinda used him and made him to carry out the house chores as if he was a maid. Right after school, he got to work at the farm and does the daily farming, milking and feeding the cows and fowls.
From where he would get the time and energy to revise his studies at night? All my dad would had wished to have a good night sleep and continue the routine everyday. Until he grew as a young teenager and started to stand on his own foot. Did some part time jobs which paid him well, and lived his teenage life with other bachelors. From the guidance of his friends, he then learnt some of other life crucial knowledge and skills to better himself. Might have learnt the roads to the city, the way to negotiate and be wise in an outside world...etc.
My dad is a man everyone could look up to for his current status and achievements, all the hardworks and struggles; all by himself without any proper guidance from his old people nor trustworthy friends. So, at times in an argument with my dad, when I express what I think to him and blame for his lack of guidance to me, to some certain situations, he could and does, at times, explains my "problems" are just minor and could be worst if I went through what he gone through his life.
To compare and to be compared would be the last thing I would ever expect. I don't do that and for those who does that, most of the time, they wouldn't understand and would have looked through other's situations completely and thoroughly before saying their piece of mind. Maybe some out there don't but most of the people I've met does that. I wouldn't understand how smart these people could be all of a sudden to advice and to judge before looking back their own rights and wrongs.
I will not tolerate with my dad whenever he throws out what he thinks or thought it was whenever I discuss a matter with him. Your childhood experience was a torturous and turbulent black history, but that doesn't gives you to expect your children to grow by themselves. Maybe I'm too dumb to adapt to the outside world...is not "designed" to live through a harsh life...hahahaha...XD Not quite true cause you gave us the "easy" life since young... not much of an easy life when there are some traumatic incidence when I was young. But ain't touching that subject...
So...yeah...there are so many thoughts just rambles and trembles and crumbles and mingles in my head. Just a part of it...I ain't blaming anyone in particular. Everyone make mistakes, whether you are the man of the house nor the queen. Adults, teenagers, uncles and aunties...everyone make mistakes. Through mistakes, we learn new new things and makes us a better person in our lives. Wishing a very warm Happy Father's Day to my dad and thanking for all you've provided for me until this very moment. Love you, dad ^^
Monday, April 16, 2012
I dunno what I feel...~
Feeling to post up something which I'm enduring almost everyday in my life rather than posting something which I'm afraid on saying it out loud. Don't get any wild thought here, read thru the entire post...XD
I know I have just stepped into the primary level of being a young adolescent, but it doesn't on what we decide for our life, right? Cause sooner or later, we are the only one going to walk the path all by our own. We came to this world with a lot of unknown welcomes, even those from far related will give their blessings as they held us when we were an infant, but when the time comes which no one could never decide for their own, we have to walk that journey all with nothing but ourselves, alone...left with no one at our sides. But in the meantime, whatever happens in between our lives, could be decided, could be arranged, could be even discussed and compromised together for a better, healthy and happy living life. Not focusing on physical strength and fitness, but mental and emotional stability which makes us be able to understand, to honor, to know what are being said and expected, to reply in a certain manner to make the others to accept the point and facts being raised up and many more are the basics in life, the basic skills human first need to succeed in for a good relationship. And yes, the topic for today is again on couples before and after marriage where some even assumes it as his or her suicide attempt in their life. That's not true. There are a lot of great couples we can look upon to our idols in our lives, which could be passed on to our children and the cycle goes on and on. How about to those who witnessed the violence happened between their parents at home when they were young? If we were to point out and blame someone for this matter, it is not really gonna help us much in finding the solution for it. What I do wish it for parents to understand and respect each other and besides, accepts their children's decisions for what they wish to do with their future life, of course after talking it through with each other about it. Wouldn't it be nice if we know for certain what we want in our lives and what's gonna happen in future...???? hmmm...I wish...~
I know I have just stepped into the primary level of being a young adolescent, but it doesn't on what we decide for our life, right? Cause sooner or later, we are the only one going to walk the path all by our own. We came to this world with a lot of unknown welcomes, even those from far related will give their blessings as they held us when we were an infant, but when the time comes which no one could never decide for their own, we have to walk that journey all with nothing but ourselves, alone...left with no one at our sides. But in the meantime, whatever happens in between our lives, could be decided, could be arranged, could be even discussed and compromised together for a better, healthy and happy living life. Not focusing on physical strength and fitness, but mental and emotional stability which makes us be able to understand, to honor, to know what are being said and expected, to reply in a certain manner to make the others to accept the point and facts being raised up and many more are the basics in life, the basic skills human first need to succeed in for a good relationship. And yes, the topic for today is again on couples before and after marriage where some even assumes it as his or her suicide attempt in their life. That's not true. There are a lot of great couples we can look upon to our idols in our lives, which could be passed on to our children and the cycle goes on and on. How about to those who witnessed the violence happened between their parents at home when they were young? If we were to point out and blame someone for this matter, it is not really gonna help us much in finding the solution for it. What I do wish it for parents to understand and respect each other and besides, accepts their children's decisions for what they wish to do with their future life, of course after talking it through with each other about it. Wouldn't it be nice if we know for certain what we want in our lives and what's gonna happen in future...???? hmmm...I wish...~
Monday, January 9, 2012
Perspective
Had a rough moments with mom and sisters today. Having exams plus these tensed up air at home is quite a lot to put up with. Things are just not going as I wish it would be, of course if every single wish comes true there wont be any problems in the world, right? The world would not be as beautiful as it is if there ain't differences in everything. Different races, ethnics, languages, cultures, way of life are unique as it is and besides it will be indeed a much fascinating place when people learn to see things differently. One can never predict whats gonna happen in the next hour, can never know who we gonna bump into, can never know if we might be ringed with some gratifying news or the other way round. There's always a small quote my mom used to tell me when I was young, " Life is too short, so make it sweet", indeed it is. One of my friend's lecturer met his maker on new year's eve; a college boy of mine, mere 18 yeas old died on the spot in a motor accident. Things ain't always the way we expect it to be, and yes it feels very frustrating to walk through those rough paths, thorny obstacles and (too much of metaphor) :P and fill in the blank...^^ "But there will be a point, at that very point you got to lead your life alone in the darkness. Without no shoulders to lay on, without a hand to raise us up, without any words to console our soul and without someone to hold back the tears...all are afraid of darkness, when its pitch black but it was never as dark when we shut down our eyes, and we still go through it daily...brace up people...there's nothing we cant do to cross the rough waves!" Accepting differences among each other is the most vital key to be successful in life. We can't change a porridge back to a perfectly cooked rice, but instead we could add on some additional flavorings to make it taste better!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Some old memories
Well, we have successfully made thru another year...2011 long gone hours ago...and welcome 2012!
A lot of people would be listing down some new resolutions to be achieved throughout this new year, some may just keep it in their mind, and some doesn't even care about it at all! Life is all about having fun, meeting new people, making friends with them, throwing parties all over(not a common thingy in here), working hard to achieve something and many more...But nothing comes complete without a perfect strong bonded family ties. You see, different people have different way of expressing their loves to their loved ones. I have a friend who said, it's not a big deal being apart from his parents since its not something new in his country( he's from German). Personal thought, you would feel the emptiness at a point of time when it comes. Before its too late, why not we hold on tight with the bond made ever since we were young? You ain't gonna loose anything, will ya! By the way, New Year has gone quite dull here as for I'm having my 5th semester's final examination going on through out until the middle of the month. You would not believe if I tell all of you how i spent the whole night, by sleeping like an "arss" for not snoozing a single second the day earlier, preparing for my first paper on New Year's Eve! It's a different kinda experience though, things should be a little different than it usually is right, so it can be more spiced up more unusually... :P
Speaking on emptiness earlier, I chat with an old tuition friend of mine, who's currently majoring in medicine in Russia. It was such a happy moments where we were talking about those days with the whole tuition gang, it was havoc! That's the only word I can describe about all of them. If not mistaken, there will be 70 or 80 in total of us, and all's mind are as craziest as everyone. Especially History lesson, though HISTORY should be in a much boooring tone, but this was way much different. The class will never end without a single laugh out of the silly jokes the tutor makes. Epic moment of all time..Gosh, I miss those days, all the friend of mine, the innocent of me, the charismatic in me to study super hard to be much compatible among the others. Oh yar, I remember there was once during Teacher's Day celebration, I sang a song in front of the whole class. Kinda embarrassing, but it was soooooo cool! Not that I'm not singing at all now, I did a few performances as special invite guest for charity events held in my college, The Star Scholarship Ceremony held in a hotel and a few more...^^ Great talents are always found when you're young.
Conclusion, try not to miss any single sec of your life experiences as the time passed will never gonna come back again. Only if life is like the movie, 17 Again. Enjoy yourselves guys, take care of yourselves.
A lot of people would be listing down some new resolutions to be achieved throughout this new year, some may just keep it in their mind, and some doesn't even care about it at all! Life is all about having fun, meeting new people, making friends with them, throwing parties all over(not a common thingy in here), working hard to achieve something and many more...But nothing comes complete without a perfect strong bonded family ties. You see, different people have different way of expressing their loves to their loved ones. I have a friend who said, it's not a big deal being apart from his parents since its not something new in his country( he's from German). Personal thought, you would feel the emptiness at a point of time when it comes. Before its too late, why not we hold on tight with the bond made ever since we were young? You ain't gonna loose anything, will ya! By the way, New Year has gone quite dull here as for I'm having my 5th semester's final examination going on through out until the middle of the month. You would not believe if I tell all of you how i spent the whole night, by sleeping like an "arss" for not snoozing a single second the day earlier, preparing for my first paper on New Year's Eve! It's a different kinda experience though, things should be a little different than it usually is right, so it can be more spiced up more unusually... :P
Speaking on emptiness earlier, I chat with an old tuition friend of mine, who's currently majoring in medicine in Russia. It was such a happy moments where we were talking about those days with the whole tuition gang, it was havoc! That's the only word I can describe about all of them. If not mistaken, there will be 70 or 80 in total of us, and all's mind are as craziest as everyone. Especially History lesson, though HISTORY should be in a much boooring tone, but this was way much different. The class will never end without a single laugh out of the silly jokes the tutor makes. Epic moment of all time..Gosh, I miss those days, all the friend of mine, the innocent of me, the charismatic in me to study super hard to be much compatible among the others. Oh yar, I remember there was once during Teacher's Day celebration, I sang a song in front of the whole class. Kinda embarrassing, but it was soooooo cool! Not that I'm not singing at all now, I did a few performances as special invite guest for charity events held in my college, The Star Scholarship Ceremony held in a hotel and a few more...^^ Great talents are always found when you're young.
Conclusion, try not to miss any single sec of your life experiences as the time passed will never gonna come back again. Only if life is like the movie, 17 Again. Enjoy yourselves guys, take care of yourselves.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Dream
I had a dream yesterday, unusual among the rest of the dreams i had before this. Something which cherished me until now its still harbor in my mind deeply and resolutely. It was something like I have gone back to my school time, doing Form 6, met up with a number of my old friends...
At one point I was talking to a friend of mine and at the bottom, I could see a person walking pass the corridor, staring at me with a smile. I ignored and continue communicating with the person infront of me, just can't remember who the person in my real life was. My eyes were keep on catching onto the person, who clearly showing distracted face for me not looking. Its just not a normal dream, it made me happy and now, Im wishing it to become true...^^
At one point I was talking to a friend of mine and at the bottom, I could see a person walking pass the corridor, staring at me with a smile. I ignored and continue communicating with the person infront of me, just can't remember who the person in my real life was. My eyes were keep on catching onto the person, who clearly showing distracted face for me not looking. Its just not a normal dream, it made me happy and now, Im wishing it to become true...^^
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Drops of Pearls...
For its cold tear drops from the pitch grayish-black sky, accompanied by the thunderous lightning strikes as sharp as the tip of needles on the ground, so called its the glory of the Almighty Creator. Twisted thoughts of minds and souls, with curled up heart-breaking topics, solves by just standing under, fully immersing with it, with both hands open wide... face looking above, softness of mother natures' swifts away all the sorrows in my heart.
Its like a beautiful ryhme, playing gently as the evening breeze, my way of getting rejoice back again... How would I put these happiness into verbal? It will always remains in my heart forever and ever immortal as my spirits getting free after my final days... I love all out there who gave me all the positive and noble values in me, who gave full support and motivate when neccesary, who gave the warmth and love which hard to purchase...
This is a special dedication to all people out there, Me being a normal human-being with feelings untold and unspoken, its the best time when it RAINS...
Its like a beautiful ryhme, playing gently as the evening breeze, my way of getting rejoice back again... How would I put these happiness into verbal? It will always remains in my heart forever and ever immortal as my spirits getting free after my final days... I love all out there who gave me all the positive and noble values in me, who gave full support and motivate when neccesary, who gave the warmth and love which hard to purchase...
This is a special dedication to all people out there, Me being a normal human-being with feelings untold and unspoken, its the best time when it RAINS...
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Best Thing in Life...
We as the human being, who is called the homosapiens, have both ups and downs in life. Some may think why on Earth he or she has been born in this world by having just troubles and unhappy lifestyle while others lifes being happy-go-lucky all the time?
Basically, when people are gloomy and dejected or in despondent situations, they can't control themselves, unable to stop thinking on past and by not let going the sorrow out from their head, wish someone could find a best simple solution and methods to do that. Life is an adventure which has both happiness and depressions. For happiness, i don't think there will be people who do not know whats the meaning of it, but for depression,it means a state of low mood and aversion of activity. While other sources might just define it as the feelings or experiences of sadness, hopeless, helpless and a deadlock who fails to settle down an arguments and misunderstandings.
There is a reason behind this long, wide explanation regarding depress. As a young adult, who have not much responsibilities in life, yet, I got depressed after realising that, eventhough once being the Head Prefect of my secondary school, I dont have the most essential asset in every young teenage life, which is well defined as the person who welcomes each other's company, exhibits loyalty towards each other, be there even when himself in a tough situations, thinking of the soul who needs them in the harsh, desperate situations, a peer who shares and talks everything directly by not the other way round, a person who cares for other people's feelings and safety, FRIENDS!!!
Not all would get the oppurtunity to have atleast one good friend who always be there for all the time. Today, three circumstances proved it. One who just thinking of himself who rarely spend time outside with his friend, by even talking bad about his own parent, just because of his locked-up situation at home, by not even caring the other one have to travel by alone in a cab at night.
Another one, who promised to follow to go to KL together and all of a sudden, bringing a reason that his mother is not allowing him to go out but then, ended up by meeting him in Sunway Pyramid with other group of friends, which for him, going out with his family, like what he have mentioned to me early of the day through phone.While another one, who I have no anger before this, she who said going out will be exhausting as she always goes out with her family every weekend, I ended up by seeing her, with someone else. She was like shocked to death after she saw me, standing right infront of her, being speechless.
How do you aspect me as a young growing man feel??? Having no transport to come back home, friends who were making fun by teasing to buy the ticket for the cab, like they are waiting to chase me out from there...!!! Looks like Im using this blogspot as a place to release my sorrow. This is a kinda of depression as well. So, if u have a friend, a good one, never betray him or her. One of the most precious living thing on earth after your parents and family members are your friends. I wish i would have a bunch of them in future, although i do have some, without my own realization.
As a little advice, only accept the friends whi have realised on what he or she has done to others, pleding for forgiveness. Never look onto the one who have breaks our heart by knowing the sthate that it will be harsh.
Basically, when people are gloomy and dejected or in despondent situations, they can't control themselves, unable to stop thinking on past and by not let going the sorrow out from their head, wish someone could find a best simple solution and methods to do that. Life is an adventure which has both happiness and depressions. For happiness, i don't think there will be people who do not know whats the meaning of it, but for depression,it means a state of low mood and aversion of activity. While other sources might just define it as the feelings or experiences of sadness, hopeless, helpless and a deadlock who fails to settle down an arguments and misunderstandings.
There is a reason behind this long, wide explanation regarding depress. As a young adult, who have not much responsibilities in life, yet, I got depressed after realising that, eventhough once being the Head Prefect of my secondary school, I dont have the most essential asset in every young teenage life, which is well defined as the person who welcomes each other's company, exhibits loyalty towards each other, be there even when himself in a tough situations, thinking of the soul who needs them in the harsh, desperate situations, a peer who shares and talks everything directly by not the other way round, a person who cares for other people's feelings and safety, FRIENDS!!!
Not all would get the oppurtunity to have atleast one good friend who always be there for all the time. Today, three circumstances proved it. One who just thinking of himself who rarely spend time outside with his friend, by even talking bad about his own parent, just because of his locked-up situation at home, by not even caring the other one have to travel by alone in a cab at night.
Another one, who promised to follow to go to KL together and all of a sudden, bringing a reason that his mother is not allowing him to go out but then, ended up by meeting him in Sunway Pyramid with other group of friends, which for him, going out with his family, like what he have mentioned to me early of the day through phone.While another one, who I have no anger before this, she who said going out will be exhausting as she always goes out with her family every weekend, I ended up by seeing her, with someone else. She was like shocked to death after she saw me, standing right infront of her, being speechless.
How do you aspect me as a young growing man feel??? Having no transport to come back home, friends who were making fun by teasing to buy the ticket for the cab, like they are waiting to chase me out from there...!!! Looks like Im using this blogspot as a place to release my sorrow. This is a kinda of depression as well. So, if u have a friend, a good one, never betray him or her. One of the most precious living thing on earth after your parents and family members are your friends. I wish i would have a bunch of them in future, although i do have some, without my own realization.
As a little advice, only accept the friends whi have realised on what he or she has done to others, pleding for forgiveness. Never look onto the one who have breaks our heart by knowing the sthate that it will be harsh.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Berjuanglah bangsaku!!!
Wahai saudara taulan ku,Usah kau gentar akan bencana sekeliling,
Teruskan perjuangan ke arah kejayaan,
Walau apa jua onak duri yang menghalang.
Biarpun kilat dan petir melanda,
Biarpun taufan mahupun tsunami,
Lakarkan namamu di persada dunia,
Jadilah subjek percakapan ramai,
Jadilah permandangan mata orang ramai,
Walau apa jua kritikan diberi,
Masuk ke kanan, keluarkan dari kiri.
Asal dirimu dikenali benar,
Mahupun penghinaan, jadikan ia sebagai pujian,
Tiada sesiapa lebih hebat darimu,
buatlah yang benar, buatlah yang betul,
Ke jalan cahaya cerah curahan yang Maha Esa,
Engkaulah yang hebat buat selamanya!!!
navin1192vijay@hotmail.com
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Relay For Life 2009!
As a symbolic to think and an appreciation to the cancer patients, a one whole day stay up night event successfully on the 31st May 2009 at MSN Stadium in Bukit Jalil. That night went so well with number of shows, performances and many many more. An one night participation for this kind of charity event is such an inadequate, for my point of view. Because cancer never sleeps and the person who is suffering with it never gets the chance to have a sleep full of equanimity. As an indication of supporting this program, myself with my other seven friends joined and made more merrier and one for sure, all of us had a great time spending together at that night, after a stressful examination month and conducting my school's prefect orientation entitled about leadership continuum.
Here goes a quick and a short review on the birth of the relay.In May 1985, Dr. Gordy Klatt, a colorectal surgeon from Tacoma, Washington, thought of the concept for the Relay For Life. He wanted to raise money for the American Cancer Society so he decided to walk around the track at Baker Stadium at the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington for 24 hours. Throughout the night, friends paid $25 to run or walk 30 minutes with him. He raised $27,000 to fight cancer. That first year, nearly 300 of Dr. Klatt's friends, family, and patients watched as he ran and walked the course. Relay has developed into an overnight event where people bring tents and sleep out around the tracks. It is truly a great event where people of all ages come out to bring the community together and reminice of their loved ones who have passed from this terrible disease and honor those who have survived while raising money to fight for a cure.
The spirit which started on 1985 never ends till now. My personal advice to all people, its not gonna spoil your future as you just participate in it. Don't hesitate to donate and support charity shows. Help our uncle and aunt, brothers and sisters out there who are fighting with thier fatal. Together we help them!
Friday, May 8, 2009
The ultimacy in having pets.
After exactly one month shifting under a new roof called home, on a very scorching Friday, 11.08.2006, this very cute and little lost doodler wondering around the bushes near the house. A very precious gift in thought, i carried him with full of love. Baira is the name we gave him. Till that very moment, he became a part of our family adding the number of members to become seven. Since small, we have treated him as a human being until we don't feel the different between human and animal. Having the first animal pet in the family, we learned a lot new ways and things on how to take care and treat the animals, knowing what it pursuits whether to tell us that he is hungry, scared of rain or thunder, sleepy and etc etc etc.
As a personal advice, animals are unpredictable and they easily be loyal and have love on the person who taking good care on them. Baira proved it when it all happened in an unforgettable bright evening. We let Baira behind the house just to sniff around the back of the house. Such a bad day when there is another dog, twice as big Baira's size, a Pomeranian had a fight with this one and five month old Baira. My sister who were in the scene, having no choice than separating them, had a big flesh tore on her right leg and Baira had several scratches and bites on his legs and his back. We rushed to the clinic to have the medication on my sister to prevent any infection from the ''disaster''. It took nearly one month for her to walk without the aid of us. From that incident, Baira reacts very fiercely whenever he saw that fat, brown-furred dog.
Dogs are naturally a good guarding canine animals. Having them at home gives not only protection for us but also as a companian for us to express love on them or even tell secrets and share troubles that we are having even though they can't help us to solve any of the problems. For us, not only as a pet but Baira is also one of the child for my parents and a four leg with a tail at the back little brother in the family. Maybe for those who read this post won't feel the precious on having a dog. For that reason, I would encourage you guys to watch a movie titled Marley and Me. This movie will tell you the love the owner has on the pet and the loyalty the dog has on his master. A little similar to my dog's character and behavior.
As a conclusion, I would like to take this oppurtunity to say that I love my dog very much and words can't express those feelings. You have to feel and experience yourself to know it.For those who read this, I would like to stress here to all human out there, be an animal lover and don't ever treat them like a dead thing.
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